A Year of Growth: My Anxiety Journey Continues

One year later: what's still in my toolkit, what's new, and what actually surprised me

A year ago, I wrote about living with anxiety — the crosswords, the weighted blanket, the travel kit I keep in my car, and the quiet truth that even a picture-perfect life doesn't make your brain stop sometimes. I wasn't sure how people would respond to that kind of honesty. I'm glad I took the chance.

So here I am, twelve months later. A lot has changed. My wife and I welcomed our first baby girl. The house feels fuller, louder, and more alive than it ever has. And my anxiety? It's still here — but something is genuinely different this year. Not gone. Just... quieter. More manageable. And I think I finally understand why.

What still works

The crosswords and word searches are still my go-to. There's something about giving your brain a focused problem to solve that interrupts the spiral before it takes hold. I still have physical books, and I still have the apps on my phone for moments when anxiety doesn't wait for me to be somewhere comfortable. That part of my toolkit isn't going anywhere.

What I've been able to let go of

Here's something I didn't think I'd be writing a year ago: I cleaned out my travel kit.

For those who read my last post, you might remember how much I leaned on it — a crossword book, a puzzle, and a spare weighted blanket stowed in my car so I'd never be caught without something to reach for. It felt essential. And for a long time, it was.

But this year, I realized I hadn't touched it in months. And then one day I just didn't need it to be there anymore. Same with the weighted blanket at home. These things served me when I needed them, and letting them go doesn't mean I'm cured — it means the work is working. That feels worth saying out loud.

What's new: EMDR therapy

The biggest structured addition to my toolkit this year has been EMDR therapy — Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I won't lie — it was weird at first, and I didn't go in with a lot of faith in it. But I kept showing up, and that turned out to be the point.

I go every two weeks, and staying consistent isn't always easy. Life gets busy. It can be tempting to skip. But I've learned that consistency is exactly what makes it work — and skipping is exactly what anxiety wants me to do.

EMDR is different from traditional talk therapy in that it helps process the root of anxiety rather than just managing the symptoms. It's not always comfortable, but the growth on the other side has been real. If you've ever felt like you've tried everything and something is still stuck, it might be worth exploring.

What's new: getting ahead of it

This is probably the biggest mindset shift of the year.

For a long time, my approach was reactive. Anxiety would show up, and I would reach for my tools. That still happens — and that's okay. But this year I've gotten much better at anticipating it. Noticing the early signals. Recognizing when a stressful stretch is coming and getting proactive rather than waiting for the wave to hit.

It sounds simple, but it changes everything. The tools are the same — I just reach for them earlier now.

What surprised me: medication isn't the enemy

In my original post, I mentioned that I preferred not to take medications that might make me feel like I wasn't in control. I want to revisit that — because my thinking has changed, and I think it's worth being honest about.

Over the past year, I've been seeing my psychiatrist more regularly. Together we've adjusted my medication, and what I've discovered is that having it available during a panic attack doesn't take away my control. It gives me more of it. Knowing that there's something I can reach for — something that works — is itself calming. The panic loses some of its power when you know you have a reliable answer to it.

I used to fear leaning on medication. I think a lot of people are. But fear of the tool isn't the same as the tool being dangerous. For me, working closely with my psychiatrist and finding the right adjustment made medication feel like exactly what it is: one more thing in the kit. Not a crutch. Not a surrender. Just another option.

What surprised me: building things with my hands

I did not see this one coming.

This year I threw myself into home projects — building things, fixing things, making something out of nothing. And somewhere along the way I realized it was doing something for me that I hadn't quite found before. It occupied my hands and my brain at the same time, which turns out to be a powerful combination for someone whose anxiety lives in their thoughts.

There's also something about finishing a project. Anxiety has a way of making you feel stuck, like nothing is moving forward. Standing back and saying I made that is the opposite of that feeling. It's tangible proof that you can do hard things, that you can see something through. I didn't go looking for a coping tool when I picked up a drill. But that's what it became.

What I want you to take from this

The toolkit evolves. What you need at one stage of your life isn't necessarily what you need a year later — and something you were afraid of might turn out to be exactly what helps. And sometimes, the biggest sign of progress is the thing you no longer need to carry with you.

Two years of therapy, consistent work with my psychiatrist, and showing up for myself even on the hard days — and I can honestly say it's working. Not perfectly. Not always. But genuinely.

If you're in the thick of it right now, keep going. Your toolkit will grow too. And one day, you might find yourself putting some of it down.

That last part? That's the goal.

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